


Text Me Mom Friend

by ProsperDemeter



Series: Quarantine Fics [3]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Outtakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:20:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24646309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProsperDemeter/pseuds/ProsperDemeter
Summary: Miles: Do you guys ever battle it out over who the biggest mom friend is?Harls: noNed: we’re all mom friendPete: I think I’m scarily the mom friend in this groupJess: I’m the crazy auntPete: you’re the unwanted crackhead neighborGwen: Damn ouchJess: lmao you’re rightMJ: Harry is the true mom friend
Relationships: Harley Keener/Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Miles Morales & Harry Osborn & Peter Parker & Gwen Stacy, Michelle Jones/Harry Osborn, Ned Leeds/Gwen Stacy
Series: Quarantine Fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1717060
Comments: 20
Kudos: 128





	Text Me Mom Friend

**Author's Note:**

> I said they wouldn't be gone forever. 😉
> 
> And, let's be honest, we all need a little more of them in our lives.

**_Clusterfuck_ **

**Harls:** reporter: Peter, how do you feel about taking over Oscorp? 

**Harls:** Peter: fuck it’s too early for this shit

**MJ:** Mood

**Gwen:** i feel that in my soul

**Miles:** Morning! 

**Pete:** Hi Miles! 

**Jess:** I hate all of you

**Ned:** It’s funny

**Ned:** Because Peter just found out like last night

**Harry:** ^

**Pete:** I mean we talked about it before

**Harry:** everyone’s so shocked

**Harry:** but i set it up like years ago

**Pete:** I was well aware WHY Parker Industries was opened

**Miles:** This is sweet

**MJ:** Disgusting*

**MJ:** Fixed it for you

**Jess:** MJ is my favorite

**MJ:** You’re not mine

**Gwen:** Whoa

**MJ:** Neither are you

**Harls:** why is everyone ignoring that Peter swore at reporters

**Harry:** Literally no one is shocked

**Miles:** I mean

**MJ:** ^

**Ned:** Did you ever hear him go o f f when someone dared insult Tony Stark

**Harls:** yes

**MJ:** or you

**Gwen:** ^ that’s my fav soundbite of the yr

**Miles:** It was pretty epic

**Pete:** Aren’t you supposed to be in class? 

**Jess:** DAD 

**Pete:** jfc

**Harls:** There are so many people in this chat now

**Harry:** if only you two didn’t have so many friends

**Pete:** remember when it was just us 

**Harry:** Ofc

**MJ:** How could he ever forget the happiest time of his life? 

**Ned:** what about me 

**Pete:** I meant with you

**Gwen:** the three amigos

**Harry:** my first loves

**MJ:** I’d be insulted

**MJ:** But I already knew this

**Harry:** but i love you

**MJ:** I love you too, nerd

**Gwen:** omg 

**Harls:** MJ has emotions? 

**MJ:** I could gut you Keener

**Harls:** lmao try

**Miles:** This is pure mom friend energy

**Miles:** Do you guys ever battle it out over who the biggest mom friend is? 

**Harls:** no

**Ned:** we’re all mom friend

**Pete:** I think I’m scarily the mom friend in this group

**Jess:** I’m the crazy aunt

**Pete:** you’re the unwanted crackhead neighbor

**Gwen:** Damn ouch

**Jess:** lmao you’re right

**MJ:** Harry is the true mom friend

**Harry:** i

**Pete:** wait 

**Pete:** it fits

**Harls:** weirdly it does

**Ned:** I stan 

**Gwen:** he’s not my real mom

**Miles:** but 

**Miles:** he uncle

**Harry:** I have never been happier

**Harry:** than when Miles called me uncle

**Miles:** omg

**MJ:** but what about when Pete called you his brother

**Pete:** There’s no competition

**Pete:** Miles wins all

**Jess:** DAD

**Harls:** I mean

**Harls:** who’s shocked here

**Miles:** i already have a dad

**Pete:** yes 

**Pete:** THREE dads

**Miles:** pretty sure i just have one

**Pete:** Jeff said we could share

**Miles:** but

**Miles:** I

**Miles:** okay dads

**Pete:** MiLeS 

**Harls:** you made him cry

**Gwen:** Harley’s crying too

**Harls:** BOO YOU WHORE

**Ned:** you two have a very strange friendship

**MJ:** lmao not as weird as Parry over here

**Ned:** lmao Parry

**Pete:** p a r r y

**Gwen:** i ship it

**Harls:** that’s my FIANCE

**Harry:** IT TOOK YOU FUCKING LONG ENOUGH TO ASK HIM KEENER

**Harls:** STOP YELLING AT ME ABOUT IT IT’S BEEN YEARS

**Jess:** you’re all so annoying

**MJ:** they grow on you

**MJ:** except Keener

**Harls:** smh

**MJ:** he’ll just betray you

**Ned:** what did Harley even do

**MJ:** betrayal

**Harls:** is this because of Hogwarts

**MJ:** OF COURSE IT’S BECAUSE OF HOGWARTS 

**Harls:** JFC IT’S BEEN YEARS

**Miles:** MJ can really hold a grudge

**Pete:** Harry

**Harry:** yes

**MJ:** I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR IT

**Harls:** YOU LITERALLY WENT LAST YEAR

**MJ:** THROUGH NO HELP FROM YOU

**Harls:** I TOLD HIM TO BRING YOU

**MJ:** INSTEAD OF FACING ME YOURSELF YOU COWARD

**Pete:** wanna get ice cream

**Gwen:** wait i want ice cream

**Ned:** ^^^^^^^

**Miles:** bring me some to school???? 

**Jess:** I got you, child

**Miles:** yesssssss

**Pete:** Jess no

**Jess:** too late

**Harry:** only if we can go to the zoo after

**Pete:** before

**Harry:** fuck yes

**MJ:** I HATE YOU KEENER

**Harls:** WELL FUCK YOU TOO JONES

**MJ:** anyone want to see the most hilarious outtake of the day

**Harry:** don’t

**Pete:** 0.o

**Pete:** yes

**Harry:** nO

**Harls:** gimmie

**Jess:** slaughter him

**Miles:** whOah

**Miles:** That’s a little dark Jess

**Pete:** don’t slaughter him??? 

**MJ:** I would never

**Harry:** don’t Chelle please

**Gwen:** how come Harry can call u Chelle but if i do i get punched

**Harls:** ^

**Harls:** is this discrimination

**Harls:** is this what discrimination feels like

**Gwen:** is this because we’re gay

**Ned:** we’re literally married Gwen

**Gwen:** shh

**Harry:** i

**MJ:** No 

**MJ:** it’s because Harry’s my favorite

**Harry:** <3

**Pete:** I stan

**Jess:** are we seeing this picture or just being disgusting

**Harls:** listen Jess

**Jess:** no

**MJ:** [Wipe out](https://pin.it/5yLWtJd)

**Ned:** oh

**Harry:** NO

**Pete:** oh my god

**Harls:** w 

**Harls:** what

**Gwen:** AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**Miles:** ooooooooooooo

**Miles:** yikes

**Jess:** WIPE OUT

**Pete:** are you okay

**Harry:** my ego has been dismantled

**MJ:** Like you had an ego to begin with

**Harry:** you right

**Pete:** [Harley](https://pin.it/5J3Zl6q)

**Harls:** disgusting why is my face here

**Gwen:** babe 

**Gwen: 😍**

**MJ:** ew

**Harry:** why are you dressed up

**Harls:** it’s graduation day!

**Ned:** I’m confused

**Ned:** you’ve already graduated

**Ned:** I distinctly remember a party

**Jess:** you’re all on here too much

**Miles:** Looking snazzy!

**Ned:** Miles is too young to graduate

**Pete:** He’s actually on an accelerated path but 

**Pete:** It’s not his graduation

**Harls:** my babies are graduating

**MJ:** The chickens? 

**Jess:** the dog? 

**Harry:** The twins? 

**Harls:** ^

**Pete:** It’s all going to be very emotional

**Harls:** Kate will cry

**Pete:** YOU will cry

**Harls:** I’m already crying

**Miles:** oooooh yeah

**Miles:** I’m going to the grad party

**Harry:** why wasn’t i invited

**Pete:** They literally have had two conversations with you

**MJ:** Facts

**Harry:** But I give great graduation presents

**Harls:** pls 

**Harls:** don’t

**Harls:** i physically don’t know what i will do if you outdo me in presents

**Pete:** You know what’s gonna be weird

**MJ:** going to a graduation for twins that don’t go the same school

**Pete:** Well yeah

**Pete:** but also

**Pete:** Seeing Becca NOT in a psychiatrist office

**Ned:** BECCA

**Gwen:** i love Becca

**Harls:** [Cute pic](https://pin.it/3PxyxXL)

**Harls:** [Billy ](https://pin.it/60sD2tu)

**Harls:** [Tommy](https://pin.it/bPaYo3D)

**Harls:** they’re all grown up now

**Pete:** Teddy bum rushed the stage before Harley could

**MJ:** … 

**Harry:** I support the progress both of them have made to get to today

**Harls:** me too

**Miles:** wait is that Kate

**Miles:** crying

**Miles:** in the background

**Pete:** don’t tell her or she’ll end your life

**Gwen:** ^

**Gwen:** did Loki show

**Jess:** these kids know so many people

**Harls:** Yeah he did

**Jess:** did you punch him

**Pete:** yes he did

**Jess:** that’s the shit

**Pete:** it was kinda hilarious to watch Wanda and Becca interact 

**Pete:** Cuz Billy said “mom” and they both answered

**Pete:** and then he said “dad” and Harley a n d Mister Kaplan answered

**Harls:** i have zero shame

**Pete:** lmao he meant you too

**Harls:** this is why i have no shame

**Gwen:** hey remember when Harry asked Billy what made kosher salt kosher

**Harry:** YOU

**Miles:** @Pete @Harls

**Miles:** I made you something

**Miles:** ready

**Harls:** what

**Pete:** always

**Harry:** why do you make me nothing

**Miles:** [Chickens](https://pin.it/6ECmwyv)

**Harry:** OMG

**Harls:** AKGUDGIHAUGEGU

**Pete:** I’MSD CRYUNG

**Gwen:** give me duck content

**Harls:** OKAY

**MJ:** please don’t

**Pete:** too late

**Harls:** [Duck](https://pin.it/29rNIS4)

**Harls:** [Duck](https://pin.it/4eHMH8i)

**Harls:** [Duck](https://pin.it/1HWEqkI)

**Harls:** [Duck](https://pin.it/1h7xdDd)

**Harls:** [Duck](https://pin.it/1ZgR8rJ)

**Gwen:** that’s the good shit

**Jess:** i like your ducks more than you

**Harls:** god 

**Harls:** me too

**Pete:** sdufsduhf 

**Pete:** Harley no

**MJ:** I respect your ducks more than you

**Harls:** RUDE

**Ned:** awe cute

**Pete:** if you ever think that you’re a disaster

**Pete:** remember that MJ got birthday balloons 

**Pete:** and then cut the power for a whole block by letting them loose in a parking lot

**Pete:** [Balloons](https://pin.it/2RO1VSy)

**Harls:** LMAO I REMEMBER THIS

**Harry:** MJ really did that

**MJ:** i did

**Gwen:** it was the best thing

**MJ:** it was

**Harry:** we have news!

**Harls:** you’re married!

**Harls:** MJ DIED

**Harry:** whoa 

**Pete:** damn babe

**Harls:** she’s been mean

**MJ:** MJ is still alive

**MJ:** you MIGHT die though

**Gwen:** why

**Ned:** what’s the news

**Jess:** kill him

**MJ:** Thanks Jess

**Harls:** what did i ever do to you Jess

**Miles:** DON’T KILL MY DAD

**MJ:** too late say goodbye

**Pete:** DON’T

**Pete:** I don’t want this to me by villain origin story

**Harry:** WE HAVE NEWS

**MJ:** we do

**Harls:** and it’s not death so

**Harls:** idk if i care

**Pete:** I CARE

**Ned:** ^^^^

**Miles:** tell me, Uncle Harry!

**Harry:** omg 😭😭😭😭

**Harry:** okay

**Harry:** so

**Harry:** sduhduf

**Harry:** you know how MJ and i have been looking into helping kids with bad pasts and stuff

**Pete:** Yes!

**Gwen:** love that for u

**Harry:** well

**MJ:** we got approved to foster

**Pete:** OMG

**Pete:** HARRY

**Pete:** MJ

**Pete:** I’M SCREAMING

**Harls:** that’s huge!!!!

**Jess:** congrats

**Miles:** I HAVE A COUSIN?!

**MJ:** [Joanna](https://pin.it/6fQacTX)

**MJ:** Her name is Joanna 

**MJ:** she’s hopelessly in love with Harry already

**Pete:** I MEAN WHO CAN BLAME HER

**Harls:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Ned:** I LOVUDFGUDGHF 

**Gwen:** ngl

**Gwen:** never thought you’d be the first to have a baby

**MJ:** she’s like six

**MJ:** she’s not a baby

**Harry:** she is SEVEN 

**Harry:** and will fight you for those years

**Pete:** I want to meet heeeeeeeeeer

**Harry:** I can’t wait until you do

**Harls:** [Peter and Kevin](https://pin.it/3JTOdbE)

**Harls:** Pete loves Kevin more than me

**MJ:** can you blame him

**MJ:** Kevin’s worth something

**Pete:** damn 

**Pete:** this is so harsh

**Harry:** KEVIN

**Harry:** hey hey hey

**Pete:** yosh

**Harry:** can Jo come meet the animals

**Harry:** I’ve been telling her about them and she keeps asking

**MJ:** ^

**MJ:** it’s annoying

**Harry:** don’t let her fool you she loves it

**MJ:** lies

**Harls:** ofc

**Pete:** yessss come over

**Harls:** you already practically live here

**Pete:** lmao

**Pete:** Tony came over for breakfast right

**Pete:** and got chased by chicken

**Pete:** for a good twenty minutes

**Harls:** best entertainment of my life

**MJ:** [Hug](https://pin.it/7hc91nn)

**MJ:** you’d think they didn’t see each other just two days ago

**Gwen:** i live for their friendship

**Ned:** but not me

**Ned:** You’re HUSBAND

**Gwen:** I didn’t think my love for you had to be said every second of the day

**Harls:** i am literally your best friend Gwendolyn

**Gwen:** but 

**Gwen:** like

**Gwen:** they’re so pure

**Pete:** so

**Pete:** funny story

**Harls:** these are NEVER FUNNY 

**Gwen:** tell me more

**Harry:** oh god

**MJ:** Parker I swear to god

**Ned:** oop

**Jess:** jfc

**Miles:** Hi Peter!

**Pete:** hi Miles!

**Pete:** so I was on patrol right

**Harls:** no

**Pete:** and this electricity guy shows up

**Harls:** No

**Pete:** and is like “fight me Spider-Man” 

**Pete:** and I’m like 

**Pete:** maaaaaan I just want to get home to bake a welcome to the family cake for my new niece y’all need to back tf up

**Harry:** y a l l 

**MJ:** @Harls

**MJ:** you poisoned him

**Harls:** ayyyyy

**Gwen:** y a l l 

**Miles:** never say that again

**Ned:** YALL

**Pete:** anyway

**Pete:** I notice this guy isn’t wearing shoes

**Pete:** sooooo

**Harls:** you made a stupid joke didn’t you

**Pete:** I asked him what a barefooted man would get if he stepped on an electric wire

**Pete:** and pulled on a fire hydrant until it was spraying water

**Harry:** don’t do it

**Gwen:** WHAT DO THEY WEAR

**Miles:** I WANT TO KNOW

**Jess:** i don’t

**Pete:** A PAIR OF SHOCKS

**Ned:** PETER NO

**Harry:** WE’VE TALKED ABOUT THIS

**MJ:** even Jo groaned 

**Harls:** lmao

**Harls:** wait where are you

**Pete:** funny story

**Harls:** Pete

**Harls: 😭😭😭😭**

**Pete:** I may or may not be still fighting this guy

**Pete:** and about to cause a blackout

**Miles:** oh god

**Gwen:** do you need help? 

**Miles:** ON MY WAY

**Pete:** nooooo this is fine

**Harls:** jfc

**Harry:** PETER DON’T

**MJ:** we just lost power

**Ned:** I HADN’T SAVED ZELDA YET

**Harls:** PARKER THE SUIT WAS CHARGING

**Gwen:** I WAS MAKING DINNER

**Miles:** I’M ALMOST THERE

**Pete:** oops? 

**Harls:** sfhsjfhsdjfdhsfjhsdjfhfudff

**Harls:** why

**Harls:** all i do is love you

**Harls:** and all you do is cause me pain

**Pete:** dramatic

**Harry:** did you just blow up a toy store

**Pete:** no!

**Miles:** my bad

**Harls: 😭😭😭😭**

**Pete:** nooooo babe

**MJ:** Can we loot the toy store

**Harry:** no????

**Harls:** “Stark Industries will pay for the damages” fsdfhsudhf fuck you Parker

**Pete: 😭😭😭😭**

**Harry:** don’t make him cry

**Harls:** how about Parker Industries pays for the damages

**Pete:** Oscorp

**Harry:** that’s you Pete

**Pete:** oop

**Pete:** lmao 

**Pete:** I keep forgetting that

**Pete:** I’ll pay for Ironman damage???

**Harls:** fair

**Pete:** hey electric guy used to work at Oscorp!

**Harry:** shocking

**Ned:** did

**Ned:** did you just

**MJ:** I demand an end to this relationship

**Gwen:** YOU MADE A PUN

**Miles:** welcome to the dark side

**Pete:** ayyyyyyyyyy

**Pete:** I’m rubbing off on you

**Harls:** NO

**Harls:** nO

**Harry:** I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT

**Pete:** too late

**Pete:** you’re on our side now

**Gwen:** welcome to the Spider-crew

**Harry: 😭😭😭😭**

**Harry:** I have never been more disappointed in myself

**MJ:** I have never been more disgusted by you

**Harry:** fair

  
  
  
  



End file.
